Idiot's Guide to Windows 95

Multitasking: You can crash several programs all at once.
No waiting!
 
Built-in Networking: You can crash several PC's all at once.
No need to buy Novell Personal Netware or LANtastic to crash.
 
Microsoft Network: Connect with other Windows 95 users and talk about your crash experiences.
Support groups in different cities will be organized.
 
PnP: Plug and Pray (that it works)
 
Multimedia: Experience the immense sight and sound of crashing.
Compatible with existing software.
It will also crash your existing software.
 
Increased Productivity: You will need to *increase* your budget to buy more *products* like RAM and HardDrives.
Better yet, get a new computer !
That's product-ivity.
 
User-Friendly: Picture of clouds
 
State of the Art: Pay for Bill's next bid for a work of art.
 
MacIntosh-like: It took Microsoft eleven years and it's not even original.
 
Online Registration: Dial into Microsoft and let them snoop around your harddrive.
This will guarantee you a place in Microsoft's files for the rest of your life.
 
MS Plus: More money for Bill's plus side.
 
Optimize: It will increase the utilization of your hard drive and cpu so much so
that you'll end up upgrading your system.

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